a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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