The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
