Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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