no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
