Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
