1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
