Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
