woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
