Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
