Swine flu is the new snow day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
