your thong is hanging out like whoa
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
