Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
