I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
