he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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