I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize