she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
