I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
