You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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