Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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