Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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