so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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