If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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