I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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