My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
