i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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