God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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