I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
