hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
