pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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