I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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