when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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