yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize