It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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