allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
