I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
