You're my little dorito
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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