i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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