Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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