I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize