everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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