her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
