thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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