I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
