Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
