Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
