I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
