i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
