Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
