Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish you could order shots online.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
