There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
