I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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