Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
