bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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