I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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