Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize