Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
