Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
