How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
