did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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