I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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