That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
