i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
