Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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