Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
